Numb

I'm used to miseries that I cant feel them anymore.. I'm numb. How wish I'm heartless,no feelings,didnt feel anything. The sun only comes through once in a while, during the cloudy days... I feel like I might be dumb too,I dont talk much nowadays.. If I talk,in return I would be hurt,If I'm being silent in return,I,too,would be hurt.BUt its better to be silent, and follow what those people say. I dont have the power,no money,no work,just a plain normal student.
     Sometimes I didnt even know what I want,confusions,denials just filled me. I dont want to feel anything,in return,I'll be the one to blame. I just love taking risks,thats why I'm numb. Saya cakap tiada,tapi sebenarnya ada,saya cakap ya sebenarnya tidak or vice versa,saya kata sihat,tapi sebenarnya tidak.or vice versa.Hati saya tidak tetap.

    I wish that certain things wouldnt even start.because in return,I'll be playing with the emotions in which me,myself.,couldnt handle it. People do see that I'm changed,bbut inside I am still me,with same goals in life,but the way I think is just different,a little.I want to be like I was during spm year,or during matriculation,that was a WAY BETTER ME,in terms of achieving goals,but in terms of social skills,just lack of it. I'm always the quiet one,..always am,since I was a kid.But I talk when I feel comfortable with that someone.

    In the end,for now,I have to follow whats prepared for me.I guess I'm just powerless, until I finish my studies Insya-Allah.I just have to follow this long and winding road. I guess its better for me to take the road not taken. And with my faith in Allah and trust in Him,I'm sure I can cope up. I sure will. At the end,kembali kepada fitrah beragama.,nescaya akan selamat dunia akhirat walaupun ujian yang turun sangat getir bagai sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.

:) :) :) :) :) :)     I hope to spend a more quality time with my sisters. A holiday,a getaway...perhaps..

I am just me,when I write I write straight from my heart.