HIdup baru umk

Dah masuk 2 minggu di UMK..begitu cepat masa berlalu.. Duduk umk semua masalahdi rumah rasa mcm tak ada.. tak ingat..sibuk dgn tugasan,chores,kwn2..hehe

Di umk baru sy sedar, a lot of things kena fikir, dan membuatkan aku redha,redha dgn apa yg akn berlaku lepas ni..Masa depan aku bermula dgn usaha ku skrg...

Minggu 3M the best wlapun penat.. Jumpa kwn2 baru, sesuaikandiri dgn tempat baru, xsusah..:)

Dah 3 mlm berturut2 mmpi menangis..Mengapa? Adakah ini satu penyesalan terhadap satu dosa yg dianggap kecil? atau kerinduan terhadap arwah ayh..yg dah 4 tahun meninggal..

Buka mata dah ada air ata menitis kat pipi... punyala teruk menangis..Allah masih sygkan aku,aku kena kembali kepada fitrah kehidupan aku dahulu..khidupan aku yg aku syg...

Kalau ditanya,aku lebih sygkan agamaku, Allah, Rasullulah..bukan kerana bajet ke nak menunjuk ke,rasa bersalah dlm diri terlalu menebal sehinggakan bercucuran air mataku setiap kali membaca Al-Quran... Bukan aku berubah,,tppi ni lah diri aku yg sebenar..kembali kepada fitrah hidup beragama yg aku sayangi yg aku rindui..

Ampunilah aku Ya Allah,sesungguhnya aku hanyalah hambaMu yg lemah yang tidak lari dari melakukan kesalahan... Aku telah menganiayai diriku sendiri..Astaghfirullahalazim..

;( aku insafff

Izinkan aku menangis

Aku cuba tabah..Ya Allah aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk menerima hakikat ini.. Aku senyum,masih mampu bergurau senda hakikatnya hati aku menangis.. MAafkan hambaMu kerana lemah.. Lemah untuk menanggung hakikat dan kehendakmu..

Tidak ku sangka..Ku sangka panas hingga ke petang rupanay hujan di tengahari.. Allah menurunkannya kepadaku,mungkin kerana aku lebih tabah dari yg lain..Izinkan aku menangis Ya Allah aku tidak kuat untuk menanggung seorang melainkan dengan pertolonganMu..hilangkan gundah gulana ini..

Biarlah,biarlah hati aku berbicara sendiri,menangisi kepiluan seorang hamba yg diuji keimanan,mana mungkin aku mengatakan akulah org beriman melainkan aku diuji,untuk melihat setakat mana aku mampu. Mana mungkin senang2 aku mendapat merasa keindahan syurga tanpa ujian bertimpa2 untukku.. Segalanya membuatkan aku terasa dekat kepada maha Esa.

Senyumlah,ketawalah Farah, hari bahagia mungkin ada bagimu.. Simpanlah rahsia itu.. AKan kekal bersamaku hingga ajal kelak datang menjemput. AKu berkorban,merasai penderitaan dan kekusutan rasa berita keseorangan untuk kebahagian kamu semua....

Biarlah rahsia kekal bersamaku.. ~~selamanya.. Berikanlah aku kekuatan Ya Allah aku lemah tanpa Mu.Kasihanilah hambaMu yang lemah..

Sakit Perut

Elokla tu,tak bangun sahur. Dah kunci jam ntah nape la aku xbgun. Memandangkan ada gastrik,memang tak bleh tinggal sahur.Look,what have you done to yourself farah. What have I done.. What have I done?

Tapi alhamdulillah,dapat puasa pada 27 rejab ni. Memang dah niat awal2 nak puasa bulan rejab especially 27 rejab ni sambil2 ganti puasa ,lagi 5 hari lagi. Hmm,mula2 rasa cuak gak tak bleh nk puasa hari ni. Tapi sedang elok semalam tgah2 malam,dah boleh solat. AKhirnya Allah grants my wish. Great feeling.

Sakit perut ni,dh kurng pulak ,rasanya kena duk depan lappy kot baru rasa lega. Di sebelah laptop ada asam yg dah dikerumuni semut courtesy of syiqin the gediks. Semalam dah cakap,ni makan ni mesti sampai esok asam ni kamu letak kat sini. Syiqin: eh x la nnti org simpan" Now you see,I'm always right. Sister instincts perhaps? Kanak2 tu memang kanak2 baik.

Kalau 2nd week of july, minggu depan la kan? No wayy.. Yes,way. Face it. Rasa cuak sama macam rasa nk tunggu results sem 2.. Harap2 dapat apa yg aku nak. I'm ready mentally. Whatever comes my way, I'm so ready. Allah knows what best for me. I Believe..

Oh tadi tengah baca magazine,ada gambar Ashraf Muslim. Dengan segeraku tutup majalah,and campakmajalah tu atas katil. Kalau ada muka dia kat tv, I will like "Syiqin,tukar channel!" Yela diakan dah bertunang dengan doktor. Admit it,I have a huge crush on him. A huge one. Get a life girl.haha. overreacted I think.

Then,fahrin ahmad iklan garnier for men. Aku tutup mata xnak tengok lama2. hehe.. Mana boleh tengok lama2. Huge crush la katakan.

Boredom invasion

Hey maybe later I'll continue about the UEM scholarship.. It's really bored at home,everyday, tv, internet ,books,cycling. Well,I didnt search for anyjob as I'm feeling kinda lazy. After a year in matrics, I've started to appreciate my free time a lot. So wanna be at home as long as possible till september.

I'm really nervous and my stomach kinda filled with butterflies. Yeh know why? Coz upu results will be out on the 2nd week of july. Really I'm scared, whatever it is that I get, I have to accept it with open heart and think that this is thebest that Allah has decide for me. I have high expectations so, hope i wont feel guilty or disappointed during that time, I'm DYING TO KNOW! Hurry up MOHE I'm tired of waiting yo! Come on....just release the results already,the sooner the better..

Prepare mentally and physically. (all right I'm exaggerating already. )o_o

I know I like but I've always keep to myself

I'm attracted to you but I keep it to myself.

I'm admiring you from faraway and wish u well.

Wish u luck and success in your footpaths,the tracks.

May one day we meet up, and know more about each other.

I'm not sure but I had second thoughts,

Perhaps I like denying and I'm denying,

My affection towards you,

Life on Earth is sometimes cruel and I'm enduring it.

You and I are from different world,

I"m not as religious as you are,

Thinking that u deserve someone better,

I keep on denying and said no but I n my heart I said yes.

Denials,confusions filled me,

I wish one day with Allah blessings,

We would be connected,

And have proper conversations.

For now,I'm stopping to get to know anyone,

Have to go with my goals,

Study study study,

Till death stops my footsteps.

Silence.

:(

Yayasan Khazanah interview-first stage

Two days after finishing my studies at KMpk, I went off for the first stage of Yayasan Khazanah selection process. Well after picking me up from the college,sobs,we sped off to KL and stayed at the LEgend Hotel, my fave destination and filled with childhood memories. I stayed there every year for holidays. Okay back to the topic,I was not prepared and thought there'll be the interview, But no, there was not any. So what is to be expected for first round? I just photostated everything,the night before the big day. ,last minute I must say,the certificates exam slips Ics u name it.

The selection process will start at 8.30 but I must arrive,the latest, 30 min before it starts. To avoid traffic jam,my mom suggested that we should opt for the train ride. Yeah,train. As if I'm that familiar with the LRTs, but I'm fine with the Komuter, becoz always ride it to go to my aunts house in Rawang. Anyway,I've printed down the map to Yayasan UEM building,in which it's a walking distance from KL sentral.

We set off with high spirits at 7 in the morning,off to the Putra LRT station very near to the hotel. Ya know what I dislike when it comes to trains? A few seconds lateand u'll miss the train. Even 2 seconds is really worthful, It's like,I was riding the escalator arrived at the platform,at the time that the train just about to close.And so it did,and off,speeding away from me. From us. I was pretty nervous about the interview and the fact that I missed the train really got me chilling to the bones.

Well but not long after that, the train to arrived, and not too crowded,very few people round. Our stop was Masjid Jamek. From there we got the train to KL sentral,and when we arrived there,it was splendid. I love it,its like not what I think it should be. lolz. We asked the directions to yayasan UEM building,and we walked early in the morning following the signboard to UEM,I love walking in the heart of KL. Always use the cars before. Always.

Anyway I'll continue later. A sibling wanna use the broadband. Ergh.

Cuti-cuti...

Ehem,cuti2 ni kan, Biasalah I've got nothing much to do. Well should be doing something good, something nice, something kind. Okay weird. Dulu, masa dapat 4.0 pspm1 sy dah tunaikan nazar dgn menghafaz yasin. Alhamdulillah, untuk sem 2 ada juga bernazar but then, result mengecewakan. Tapi dah setakat tu rezeki, tp tetap nak try hafaz surah2 pendek masa cuti ni. Bila dah hafaz yasin ni,rasa nak menangis, coz xsangka leh hafaz masa kat matrik dgn jadual padatnya.,dgn tekanannya dgn xsihatnya. Wah,sem2 byk sgt ujian,kalau diimbas kembali,well,I'm a survivor, with a strong heart,I know, if any obstacles, MORE OF THEM WERE to come my way, I'm ready. Allah chooses me,coz Allah knows best,knows that I'm really strong enough to handle these obstacles.I'm the chosen ones.:')

Anyway time 'cuti' ni, xdpt nak puasa, so bila xpuasa ni,energetic semacam. Temper pun lain macam,mulut laser je nak serang org, trust me, I'm the quiet one. Anyway tgok mtv and come across party rock anthem. Nice song really catchy. I mean the way they shuffle,all of those pple shuffling here n there makes me wanna shuffle too. Okay I know,I'm kinda out of date. But I wanna give it try, good to tone up your legs, or so I heard, and a good form of exercise. I watched youtube tutorials on shuffling, I know that basic only. It kinda hard, but i could do it! but slowly,not that fast. Shuffle ats lantai sakit kaki, so I opt for the soft carpet,(carpet bergerak ke blakang and my sis said I'm going futher back ward,hey cool!),mama didnt know if she knows,I'm dead. By the end of next month I think, the carpet will be history. Kerana hakisan kaki,smasa shuffling. So my youngets and only sis starts shuffling away. lolz! cool and we're outta breath.Not bad for someone that doesnt know a thing about dancing.

So,bulu2 karpet akn tertanggal n ma, u hafta buy a new one ,that is if we dont stop shuffling on that soft,furry carpet. Sorry. ;P

Suami Idaman

Blog aku ni tidaklah banyak follower yang bacanya pun entah2 takda sesapa. Aku je yang baca kot. hehe. Blog ni untuk luahan hati dan kepuasan,best baca blog yang kita tulis ni. MAcam entri hidup kita sehari-hari. Ehehe.

Suami idamanku adalah beberapa kriterianya. Tapi kalau memenuhi kriteria pun,kalau dah jodoh nak buat macamana kan? uhuks.. -_-'

Paras rupa tak kisah, kemudaan or your youths wont be with you forever,you'll grow old, and have wrinkles but hey, you grow wiser as you aged,thats a bonus. (will ya grow wiser?hmm)

Okay mungkin agak over kot kriteria nih, I want hafiz. No,bukan someone named hafiz tapi seorang yang hafaz Quran. Rasa sejuk je tengok orang yang hafaz al-Quran,memang rasa rendah diri la juga aku ni kan. Pasal orang yang hafaz Quran ni,akhirat esok2, dia akan tarik 10 orang dengan dia masuk Syurga. Siapa taknak? Saya nak,tapi harap2 suamiku akan menarikku sekali bersama-sama. Masya-Allah mesti bahagia .:)

Beriman,pandai mengaji,solat tak tinggal,itu penting dan lagi satu romantis. Mesti romantik, pandai bermadah, tapi jangan cakap tak serupa bikin dan sayang aku. Pasal aku ni berjiwa sastera sikit so boleh sealiran lah dengan jiwa jiwa romantik. My idea of romantic,well one of the ideas is to slow dance in the night with romantic music : Tonight I celebrate my love. etc. hehe. Candle light dinner,dim light and after that slow dance, I love that..Dream on.

yeah dream away. haha.(pengaruh movie org putih la ni kan)

Next, at least ada ijazah,ada kerja steady,kalau tak macamana nak sara bini kan? Dia kena cakap lembut, I like soft spoken guy. Lagi satu kena berterus terang, pandai ambil hati ala2 kaunselor gitu, that is kalau ada masalah timbul dia kena pandai ada perbincangan, pasal aku suka perbincangan sebenarnya.

At the end, tak berharap pun serah ke Tuhan belako.

Thats my 10 cents.

Menangis

Ya,menangis. Sungguh terlalu banyak sangat ujian dan dugaan,yang sememangnya tidak sia-sia diturunkan Allah kepadaku. Ya, aku memang jahil dulu,tapi alhamdulillah,Allah telah membuka pintu hati ini,pada tahun 2007,tahun di mana arwah sakit teruk. Masa dengar seruan azan, setiap kali, air mata pasti tertumpah,mengenangkan dosa-dosa yang tak terkira banyaknya. Sejak itu,aku lebih bersungguh-sungguh untuk mendalami Islam, membetulkan apa yang masih kurang sebagai hamba Allah. Tidak payah dicerita kejahilan ku itu apa, yang pasti aku berubah. Tapi yang pasti aku tak pernah disentuh,takdala jahil sampai ke tahap itu.Malah,berdating pun tak pernah,mintak2 dijauhkan,iman mudah turun naik. Biasala fitrah manusia.

Menangis. Ya,melihat perempuan seislam sebangsa ,dengan bangganya mengaku tiada dara. Baru-baru ini ada terbaca dalam mastika tentang check-in hotel bajet. Asal couple je mesti check in, dan sebagainya. Harapnya di Kelantan tak sampai tahap teruk macam tu. Minta simpang jauh-jauh . Entah di mana nilai maruah diri sebagai wanita, kerana hawa nafsu dan kejahilan,hah, itulah dia. komen mereka,benda ni macam biasa bukan masalah besar. Tidak pernah kah terlintas di fikiran mereka kematian itu pasti datang. Dan kematian itu sudah semacam kiamat bagi kita ni,dalam kubur tu.bagaimana kita? Mungkinkan Pendidikan Islam yang dipelajari itu semacamnya harus digubal syllabusnya? dari sekolah rendah, tadika duk belajar apa depa dapat?

Menangis.Ya, setiap kali mimpi arwah pasti menangis. Kadang-kadang tak boleh terima,rasa macam mimpi,hati ini luluh ,luntur hancur dipijak-pijak. Tapi apakan daya,sebagai hamba Allah,terima saja seadanya,dengan menanamkan kata2 ini dalam diri,Dunia Ini Hanya Permainan Gurauan Semata-mata, dapatlah menenangkan sikit jiwa yang berkecamuk nih. Allah meminjamkan aku seorang ayah yang sangat penyayang,yang memahami anak-anak perempuan, lemah lembut. Dialah memberi semangat kepadaku,memberi aku kesedaran tentang kepentingan pendidikan, macamana nak handle masalah kwn2,msalah perempuan,.Mungkin dengan usia 50an arwah,he is wiser than ma so, he knows better. Yes,he knows better. Menanti untuk bertemu dengannya,sentiasa menanti.... Semua yang hidup akan mati. Kita sayang ayah mak,mereka akan pergi. Sayang suami/isteri pun,mereka akan pergi,ataupun mungkin takkan kekal. Sayang Allah kasih sayang yang kekal abadi.

Dugaan berat,banyak lagi dugaannya tapi confidential. Takkan nak bagitau satu dunia kan.. Tapi rezeki ada je,tak pernah putus, kita kurang tang situ,kita lebih tang situ. Nothings perfect,right?

Akhirat kekal abadi Farah,jadi bersabarlah anda. Sabar sabar dan sabar. :))

I'm okay. I'm great. I'm fine.

I Know ,Everything Happens For A Reason

I feel sad. A little, I guess. I;ve alwys got whatever I want up until SPM year. I failed a few times to get what I want. But failing in something teaches me to be strong. When it comes to academics especially, I just wanna get to the utmost TOP that sometimes I feel guilty, I'm greedy and seems like I'm not actully content with whatever it is. I have to stop. I think,I'm making myself weak,I want the highest,the top,the most,everything,the star shining brightly with potential. As you know, string of As is a must for me in primary school. I have that competitive attitude since primary,but soon it wears off little by little after the passing of Daddy. The pain,the shattered emotion and physical pains,only Allah and I know how hard, difficult for me to cope up with this lifeon Earth,which is temporary.

I know some potential or rewards are out there for me. If not now,maybe in university later. I got that temporary limelight before,maybe for once, I have to endure something 'new' in order to test me,whether I'm a good Muslim,with iman and taqwa. Obstacles,problems are just part and parcel of my life,of everyones life.

I kinda like that guy,but..... I have doubts, I 'm being hard with everyone, I think.

Degree-master-phd.... this is my dream and I wont stop!

Bangkit Farah bangkit!!!

Jangan bersedih dunia terlalu hina untuk ditangisi

Salam. Entah la,tak pasti blog ni nak buat konsep macam mana. I guess tak nak terikat,teruskan menaip tanpa batasan. Sedihla tak tau kenapa. (walhal tau pun pasal apa) . Im fed up with that HEP. Yg perempuan tu ,geram rasa nak tonyoh2 kepala dia. Dahla mulut laser mcm ntah pape. Haa aku panas ni panass ... huish, memang I'll be the happiest human on earth bila keluar matriks ni haha. Menunggu hari2 bahagia (bukan nak kawin) untuk habis final and get out asap from matriks. Memang tension.. tapi rasa bersalah juga nak tension2 ni. Makan minum cukup kemudahan cukup kalau nak dibandingkan orang yg di luar sana ye tak? Just study je.. But i guess i cant control my emotions well enough. This will effect my studies.

I need to plan what and how I should do to get back on tracks. Hopefully it is not too late. Apa nak jadi jadilah,semua rezeki Allah tentukan. Kita redha je .Mungkin kita tak suka sesuatu tu,tapi itulah yang terbaik bagi kita dan sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui Lagi Maha Mendengar.

NAk buat master lah ape lah(saya la). Memang okay,but then katakanlah kita ni xdapat cita2,jgnla bersedih lebih baik sekurg2nya dah ada ijazah dari xda apa2 betul tak? Mati esok2 kain kapan je,sorang2 kat kubur,hanya amalan kita masa hidup dijadikan bekalan. Allah nak tengok master ke? ijazah ke? phd? Amalan kita di dunia ni. Beringat2lah .

"ala muda lagi,nnti tua baru la nak bertaubat"

Hey kawan,maut xmengenal usia. Taubat usah ditangguhkan. Segerekanlah ,sebesar mana dosa kita .bertaubatlah sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun Lagi Maha Mendengar dan mengetahui apa yang baik dan tidak baik bagi kita.

Segala rintangan yang Allah bagi untuk menjadikan kita lebih kuat,insaf dan lebih dekat pada Allah. Sepertimana yang pernah dialami saya ni hehe.

Just my 10 cents

It's me and I'm okay

Old memories claw their way out of my mind. I mean,it seems that as if yesterday I first moved in to that Lumut house. I longed for yesterdays, for my dad, for us to be one happy family again. The impossible remains impossible. No matter what it is I should focus on what I actually want. Dunia akhirat. Life's short. 2 months more in kmpk, n after that honeymoon! yeahha..... I;m tired if matrics, I sure do, have to accelarate, now,to maintain that cgpa,but I feel it gets more harder. I mean, maybe I'm just doesnt try hard enough to achieve that excellence I'm waiting for? hmmm.. Give me strength Ya Allah..

Well,Some past issues,i remembered that time. It was kinda,weird to think about it. Hey,I'm changed, I've turned over a new leaf. Some old friends might be surprised when they meet up with me after all these years. I'm a changed person,better,I guess. More mature, and can understand people's feeling s more hehe. :P

Love

Farah is gonna talk about love. For me love for Allah must come first,then my parents n siblings according to Islamic hierarchy. I;m not sure how to say this when it comes to-falling in love with some non-muhrim ,makes me a bit scared I guess,a good feeling but might feel a lil guilty.

This in turn would effect my mind mood and eventually my studies! I really wanna excel in wat im pursuing now,determines my future yeh know. So, just get away from these feelings by always remembering Allah.

Me at peace now

Challenges

I'm a human being,I do have feelings,in case u're wondering. So spare my anger,okay? Right, I've faced a lot of challenges in life. Life is never easy,whatever u want,sometimes u wont have it. God knows what's best for u. Btw, now I'm in the 2nd semester of matriculation. Got 4.0 for sem1 finals,I was like so shocked!! haha,coz maths was downright HARD! I was so in a bad mood soon after I've finished paper2 maths. Alhamdulillah,all thedifficulties I've faced during the semester ended up with a 4.0 is a well-deserved gift for me. But sem 2 is ,well,tough. tomorrow ups so i have to end now.later..-----