Missing....

Jeli life is so boring laaa... I long to take a brief getaway , alone perhaps, travelling solo around malaysia..ahaks...  I miss the old times,where all of us would go on vacation, and our favourite spot is Legend Hotel which is located at The Mall. I feel like I grow up with that place,as every year since I was in kindergarten,that has always been our top holiday getaway..  Now,it;s just...different.. I've been through ups and downs in life, and I've been through the best of times in my life,especially when dads around...  I am glad,I am thankful to Allah for giving me the chance to experience those times.. Hopefully,when I got a job of my own, I might want to have more and more getaways with my sisters , and reminiscing the pasts we had with dad in KL,kuantan,melaka, and our childhood holidays spot such as cherating, singapore, port dickson that creepy guoman hotel, jb , and the best and last holiday with my dad was in Langkawi and JW marriot before he was down with cancer... I had that best moments ,together, and in a flash, Allah took it away. We might experience that moments again when we grow older,but it would never be the same without him around..Never.. I am jealous when I see someone who still has his or her father, and I would cry silently,when I see someone hugs his or her father.. They are so blessed to still have one.. .I just cant hide my feelings and cried one day in the bus during field trip,when I saw one of my classmates hugged her father... Well,my bestfriend ,she understands me well.. she looked out side, and slowly,she pulled down the curtain.. "stop looking.."  Then she offered me the hot piping pau,saying that she bought one for me..haha..thats really sweet the way she tried to comfort me..and she started to tell stories about this and that to distract me..I guess..

    I dont know what got into me,but for the past one week,I've been thinking about him a lot...Daddy..daddy..daddy....  This morning,I was drinking nestum,when suddenly tears started to fall.. Yeah,suddenly I remembered that this was his favourite drink during breakfast... The smell,the sound of the sips..deja vu...   I might be a little emotional during the exam week especially... My feelings became fragile..haha...   Dad..what can I say about him...     Caring,romantic,creative,jovial,funny,friendly and approachable..   I am more closer to him than my mother.. We share the same hobbies the same attitude,very straightforward,romantic,I guess...haha...sensitive, I really take care of anyones feelings.. We love the oldies,we love the same genre of music, we like reading books,more and more books, literatures, and kinda messy I guess. Oh yeah we love singing,..he is very generous...  I share most of my problems with him,friends,schools,love problems,.girls problems,,everything..he never fail to lighten up my day...It is hard to find someone like him... He is someone who is,,well never sweat a small stuff kind of person. 

              My mom doesnt understand me like dad does. But still I love her.Only after dad died do I understand and see the true colours of my mom. All these years,I dont really know her,theres like this big gap between us....  She spends more time talking with dad then with us.  After dad died, then I know her..I know her really well. Shocking suprising..haha.   We dont have anything in common,. We have different thoughts,different point of view, lots of arguements I must say..hmm..so I always choose to be quiet.... My secrets are shared mostly with my sister. and some of my friends...She shows her love by buying us this and that... Really different from the type of love that dad showed us. Oh well,differences make us learn to accept and adapt with each other..I have succeeded ,and know how to understand my mom.. We become more,closer,she starts to understand me..it takes time,.,and yes,the time has arrived and she did it.

                 I got lazier..and lazier...I guess my results wont be that good,anymore..and I got hot and hotter ,,I dont know but I got irritated and angry easily.. I  easily got mood swings.. I guess I need a break..From all these RUBBISH that Ive been facing all these years from 'that' side of the world and the new unwanted rubbish I've collected during this and last semester of UMK,that has actually contributed in my degree of fragility that I've possessed... Okay optimistically,I have learnt my lessons, and I am being more careful in every aspects of my life.life is just very unexpected...very.. I have to remember believe that Allah is always there with me during my ups and downs,I must have be a very strong girl that ALlah give me these obstacles,tests... whoa..I wonder how I study with all the family problems in my head...and my health that is deteriorating since Dads death... My advice to that person,dah2 lah minta pertolongan iblis dan syaitan nak kucar kacirkan keluarga aku,....yang pasti aku takkan berhenti ikhtiar dan berdoa kepada Allah agar diberi balasan yang setimpal ,setelah lama kami menderita..dengan wang ringgitnya habis,dengan kesan psikologi dan emosi yang mendalam,yang mungkinn orang lain xnampak.....mungkin dunia ni kau tak nampak,tapi kau tengoklah mati esok2,..bumi tak terima. Saya percaya,Allah memakbulkan doa org2 yang teraniaya.kerana dengki,irihati, seorang wanita menjadi balu dan anak2 menjadi anak yatim...dunia semakin kejam dengan hati  yang semakin kelam,gelap busuk,rosak,tiada cahaya. 

  Hope next sem is better than this sem.and hopefully ,I'll get what I've always wanted in this life.Dan kepada orang itu,betul kata awak,perasaan tak boleh dipaksa,a... oh ya lupa,awak anggap saya macam adik,sebab tu awak ajak saya keluar,telefon saya balas mesej saya jumpa saya kat sini,kat situ..MEMANG abang yang baik..untunglah saya kan dapat abang mcm awak..;... mulut saya mengatakan saya maafkan awak,tapi hakikatnya, hati kata susah,dan luka mungkin telah sembuh,the scars remain forever.    Aku ni makin emo nihhh...okay stop farah.stop2.. dah2... bye.  P/S: You look so cute when you smile..

   

             

        

       

It is you,not him.

Hey it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Time flies so fast,and now I am facing the finals which will be over in a few days...And off I go to my home sweet home.. I'll be the senior next year and I dont know what to expect next semester,this sem is the,should I say,worst ever? I dont know.,always,always there are obstacles coming my way., gossips,rumors, fights,....but at the end,everything will surely turn out well.. If not completely at least partially. .Life in Jeli,I dont know what to say. From my point of view,I dont really like it here, Jeli is a rural place and the food shouldn't be expensive,in fact insanely expensive as compared to pengkalan chepa... Now I really appreciate food at home,which is abundant and yes, free. hehe.

      Okay this semester the hardship,problems obstacles, are just overwhelming.. HANDLING with other peoples problems and emotions that originally shouldnt be running and be part of my life. Oh well,these obstacles actually mature me,and give me plenty of lessons.. Plenty,a lot... Certain people just think that they're the only one with emotions and I am like,what? a doll? heartless,perhaps? Certain people just dont know how to be polite, no manners I must say, I am,Farah Khairi,and I am a sensitive person you mess with the wrong person if you wanna play emotions,negative emotions with me..

    Problems here and there,everywhere... We are not human beings if problem doesnt exist,its just part of parcel of everyones life,and it'll make you more stronger.. The hardship that I've been through have make me what I am today... I become more careful,with everytthing,although I am very straightforward myself.

    Regarding the title of this post, well...all this while,its not about that guy .....the main thing is not him..those words are meant for you,actually...and I told you to let you know what actually happened before you know it from secondary source so hehe..I am the primary source.   I liked him,once. But right now,at this very moment,I like you,...you might not like me,but its okay,I'm attracted to you. Seriously. Any girl you love is the luckiest girl in the world....  so genie in the lamp,I've told you again and again all this while its all about you.....Honestly frankly speaking....I was asking you to convey these words to>>>>yourself .....   indirectly ,I guess?   as for you,being someone who is choosy, I didnt expect much but I had fun having you with me. I am happy to talk and laugh with u,u have the personality,a unique one that others dont have..so....let me repeat,okay.
  How I tingle when he passes by... everytime he says hello my heart begins to fly...How I love him,he got something that I cant resist,but he doesnt even know that I ever exist...
When I look into your eyes I cant resist it... When you smile,it diminishes my trouble away...it makes my day :)        and what else?    Someday....when I'm alone,when the world is cold,I'll feel the glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight..You're lovely,with your smile so warm,there is nothing for me but to love you,...With each words ur tenderness grow,tearing my fears apart..and The laugh that wrinkles your nose,it touches my foolish heart.... keep that breathless charm,wont you please arrange it coz I love you,just the way you look tonight. ..    emo kan? aku memang emotional>>> sincerely Farah Khairi..... ;)