It has been a long time

It has been a long time since I've updated my blog. Sorry feel a lil bad about it..haha
I guess I should start updating nw but not on a daily basis since I;m now at Perak matriculation and i think God has decided that thi s is the best place for me to be in. And sure enough I really like this place although the pressure is quite overwhelming. (Am I exeggarating?;P)

At the previous post, I exaggerated bout the incoming spm,n right now I/m still gonna make a really big deal about another important exam in my life. Matriculation final sem exams. This is where the turning point of my life begins. I have to work hard to get what I really deserve,what I've always wanted in my life. I dont all the investments my mother put in to send me here in matrics (taxi fares,hotel n hostel expenses 4 me) go down the drain without any excellent results to be proud of. I have to make her proud. Besides my siblings, she's the only one I truly care of since the passing of my father... Well,that's that. I'm lazy to type so tara!

Another boring day

All I do is sitting in front of my laptop,surfing the net all day long and this is killing me.I should be on an internet diet. Yup,I should. And I'm getting lazier. I'm so lazy to type anything and here I am updating my blog. Lifes so boring nowadays but I'm thankful to God for giving me the chance to enjoy life although so many misfortunes occured and I felt so sinful giving up and blaming anything I could think of. Forgive me Ya Allah.

The most difficult think about this life is temptation. It is hard to resist watching that favourite movie or tv show when actually it is time to pray. And then we would put it off till last minute and soon,this becomes a habit that is hard to change unless u have a strong will . The temptation to sleep.It's really quite hard for anyone to wake me up,it requires 5 times or more shaking n shouting and screaming to wake me up. ;..:P

My routine everyday..now i really dunno what should I write/type about.

wake up in the morning and I straightaway drink water to rehydrate my body cells..

hang the clothes to dry..eat...watch tv...read books..play games..etc.

i guess dats all for now its half past 3 in da morning n tis is boring..

the visitor

The Visitor

My mind was numb with boredom while my body was numb with cold. I tried to switch on the house heater but to no avail. I kicked the wall in anger and in return, suffered a swollen toe. I limped towards the fireplace to lit it up. Things got worse the way they already are. The fire burnt with loud crackles,a way to express its satisfaction after it was fed with coals. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and stayed close to the fireplace to survive the cold,hard winter.

I took a sip of hot chocolate, warmness spread inside me. I was all alone at home. My parents were away for a business trip and would not be back until the end of the winter. The neighbourhood was very quiet. Everyone went off to enjoy their vacations, perhaps to the sunny, warm Bahamas, away from the frosty, cold earth. The sound of the falling frosty snow outside broke the deadly silence of my house. I was glad as a total silence seemed to represent death, the time when funeral takes place, and relatives come with black outfits. The thoughts seemed gloomy and miserable.

I took a glimpse outside the window. The frosty white carpet started to unroll on the paveway. Everything was white and cold except for the pale blue sky. It was as if an occasion was about to start.,and occasion or perhaps a parade,for the cold-hearted snow queen. And she were to walk on the white carpet specially made for her. As I was deep in my thoughts, a sound, a knock, filled the air. One knock. Two knocks. I was quite startled. Who could it be, outside on this icy cold day? Someone, a beggar,perhaps, begging some blankets or proper attires to stay warm in winter. Perhaps the gypsies, feeling cold and tired, after their long journeys.

I approached the main door. I unlocked it, it opened with a click. I pulled the door open, a gust of cold wind blasted on my face. My eyes sat on the visitor in shock. The unmistakable deep brown eyes, the shiny shoulder-length blonde hair which I miss the most. The freckled face, her thin lips. Memories started to come to me. Memories of the pasts claw their way out of the graves. Mary Saunders,my long-lost best friend. She eloped with her so-called charming boyfriend for four long years,and here she was, in front of my very eyes. A frail,pale,shivering visitor of winter.

I gave her a blanket and made her a mug of hot chocolate to keep her warm. She shivered a lot and so far, she had not said a word. I sat beside her at the fireplace.

“How are you?”,I tried to break the tension in the air. Silence. Only the crackles of fire filled the house.

Mary Saunders, a bright student, the brain in class, the teacher’s pet. We spent our time together a lot and she was always by my side during my ups and downs. She had never failed to make me feel better. Unfortunately,when she met Brian, everything turned upside down. She fell head over heels over him. Her major obsession on him was the beginning of the nightmare. She neglected me, her best friend over the gangster. Brian,wanted by the police , a drug addict, got involved with black market, house burglaries and also the prince of my best friend’s heart. She left her family and I, on Christmas Eve. No one know what has become of her. Until now.

Mary took out a cigarette,lit it up and inhaled the cancer stick deeply. She exhaled the smoke on my face. I glared at her. I asked her what had happened to her? What had become of her and many more questions came to me. Silence. She inhaled the cancer stick,more deeply this time. Exhaled on my face again. It went on and on in a constant rhythm.Inhaled,exhaled, with cracklings of the fire as the background music. After a lot of her “hesitations”, she started to speak, softly.

“He left me, after he found out I bore his child”. Another shock invaded me. Again,the silence. She shrugged, and wore that empty expression on her face,as if she did not care anything that had happened to her. The smoking started as usual. Deeply,the stick was inhaled,then,puffs of white cancerous smoke escaped from her mouth and nostrils. The fire crackled more loudly. Crackles and more crackles. Before I could stop myself, I snatched the cigarette from her. She was very shocked. Her glare was very cold. The situation turned very tense. We were at daggers drawn.

“That is my last cigarette!” she yelled in fury. She tried to make a grab for it but I was too fast for her. I ran from her,she gave chase. I did not know when or how it happened because suddenly,without realizing it, we ended up on the floor wrestling with each other. She seemed very addicted to the cigarette. She was wailing, shrieking like a wild,mad dog. It was the last straw for me.I slapped her face. She was petrified. Her left cheek turned bright red.

“Mind the baby,would you?”, I told her through gritted teeth. Everything turned still. My heart beat rapidly,I could hear the thudding in my ears. She stared at me. Her eyes became watery. She broke into tears. Between sobs,she said weakly,”I don’t…give..a damn”. She cried on my shoulder. I hugged her and comforted her. I was glad she finally retuned. I miss her. I miss our friendship. Deep in my heart, I knew,she missed me as much as I did.

I led her to the guest room. I wanted her to take a rest. She looked very weak and pale. She coughed out a lot of blood. Blood was oozing on her lips. I wiped off the blood gently. It really broke my heart to see her at this state. After a while, I excused myself to go to bed, as it was already late at night.

“I need company”,her voice croaked. I dragged an armchair to her bedside. She tossed and turned plenty of times. Finally,she looked at me.

“Hushabye Mountain”, she whispered. I started to sing the lullaby she requested softly.

The gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain

Softly blows,o’er lullaby bay

It fills the sails of boats that are waiting

Waiting to sail,your worries away.

Soon after that,she fell asleep. I switched off the lights and dreamt away on the armchair.

The sun shone through the window. It squinted my eyes. It was half-past eight. Mary was still in her dreams. My hand was in hers. I stood up, feeling quite stiff after a night on the armchair. I touched her cheeks. Strange, her cheeks were icy cold. “Mary it is time to rise and shine”, I tried to wake her up. I patted her arm.

“Mary Saunders”,louder this time. I shook her body. Still , no response. I called out to her many times but to no avail. I was scared. I slapped her face, shook her again, still,her eyes remained closed. Forever. I cried till tears subsided. The world seemed to spin around me. I have just met her,after all the years she left me. All those moments together,very happy moments together are still fresh in my mind. I slept with my best friend.I slept with her dead body.

Winter came and passed. The white carpet will begin to unroll,everything turns icy cold,the world seems frozen. A procession,a parade for the snow queen. That one winter, Mary Saunders was the snow queen. Coming through the white carpet, with a cold ,broken heart and skin that was as white as the snow itself. I will never forget that vivid winter day. The visitor, Mary Saunders.

ME today

Nothing much happened today.. Driving class as usual,.

Eat nasi gulai kawah,yummy...chamyto! ehh u noe chamito?the cultured drink?

I'm waiting for telekom scholarship,at the website,the workshop for succesful applicants has already been posted,or put or whatever u call it. The date? 9th april till 12th april.. And todays the 8th of april n I still dont noe whether I'm successful or just a down struck failure..

I now realise I miss Kuantan,it is full of my memories during childhood days.. duhh .over n out

I'm lazy and mentally ill (part 2)

I'm so scared...

This Thursday you know,March the 11th..

I dont know,but my expectations are high, and I'm sure to be very much disappointed if I didnt get what I really wanted..

I think about it day and night..In fact, to make myself more mentally ill and retarded(is it too much?), I wrote down my own results, over and over again,hoping this would be the real results. I hope things are going to turn out the way I expected.

Some scholarship applications are open now. Have to wait for my results before applying.

Khazanah scholarship,,

Shell scholarship..

Go to this website www.malaysia-scholarship.coo.my

Which field of studies should I choose? I'm so confuse. So hard to make my decision,between health sciences and engineering.

The think is I dont really know what the engineers do.

Not enough exposure about engineering ,if only i attend technic school..

I'm just so into medicine..

How? What should I do?

Stop it,this is driving me crazy

Help~~

I'm lazy and mentally ill

Now i realise that cursing is not cool.. It doesnt sound cool...

I wonder why nowadays people keep copying the west way of cursing..

Doesnt sound too..mature. Its so childish,maybe they thought they sounded like those rappers hiphop stars hollywood people etc.

And it's like,hey,I'm so westernized..

Give me a break